binge eating

Happy First Day of Marathon Training!

My stomach is in knots today. I’m terrified, nervous, excited, and anxious. It might have something to do with my afternoon chocolate binge, but I suspect it’s because I’m officially in training for my first marathon! As the out-of-shape big kid growing up, I never thought in a million years that I’d be running a marathon. Let alone be excited about it! I’ve come a long way. From young and overweight and hating to run, to “trying” to lose weight as a teen, to over exercising and under eating as a young adult, to actually losing over 40 lbs and becoming a legitimate runner in the last few years. So many emotions. (I may be PMS-ing, sorry if that’s TMI) I also have a long way to go. I’m  still about 10 lbs overweight for my height and frame and need to get that off for the sake of my joints, heart, and lungs. I have 431.4 miles left to run in the next 18 weeks – one week is 40 miles alone! And I need to fund raise – my goal is $1,310 – over $50 for each mile of the marathon (which is 26.2 miles). I anticipate this being a summer of hard work and character change. (Or if could just be a really fun challenge!)

This morning was just a 3 mile easy run. Rewinding a bit back to Saturday, I ran a 5k test run. A test run tells you what you can expect your marathon finishing time to be and what pace to train at. There’s a whole chart, you could probably Google it if you wanted to check in out for yourself. I found out that I’m on track to finish between 4 hours, 30 minutes and 4 hours 45 minutes, or a 10 minute, 45 second pace per mile. That’s great news is it’s right where I’d hoped to be. Even though my finishing time Saturday was on target, I had a horrible run. When I went back and checked my splits, they were opposite of what they should of been. Typically, you want to start slow and get faster as you go. It’s called a negative split and it’s essential to finishing strong. As you can see below and had consistently positive splits. (Is that even a term?)


Those numbers are going the wrong way!

Those numbers are going the wrong way!

This morning I decided to flip that around. I started off pretty slow and gradually built up speed. By the end I was feeling pretty good! When I checked my splits this time, they were perfectly negative! Much better! Going on from here, I’m going to try and stick with a 9:30 pace for my weekday “easy” runs with nice negative splits. That’s the goal at least.

Great negative splits!

Great negative splits!

I should touch on my little binge for a second. I failed miserably this afternoon. I got too hungry because I had to run a bunch of errands during my normal lunch time so I was starving when I got home. I have two smallish chocolate bars and a fun sized York Peppermint Patty before I stopped myself. It could’ve been worse, but I felt gross, bloated, and groggy afterward. I’m going to try and remember that next time I want to binge. I feel so much better when I eat well!

I briefly mentioned fund raising earlier. I’m raising money for World Vision to build wells in Africa. $50 is enough for one person to have clean water for a lifetime. That’s the short version. Pretty soon I’ll try and get all of my thoughts together about my commitment to World Vision and their cause. In the meantime, if you’re feeling like you want to support me in my training regardless of my deeper thoughts, opinions, and emotions tied to this cause, you can visit my fund raising page and donate online. Anything you could give would really be an encouragement for me! Thanks!

Make a Donation!




I’m detoxing this week. I’ve been eating so much junk that I’m actually looking forward to eating veggies! I’m not a huge fan of the typical detox diet. You know, the kind where you only drink juice for a month, eat only fruit for a week, or take some sort of supplement to flush out your liver or colon or whatever organ seems to be clogged up with toxins? I just think that all sounds ridiculous. The human body is designed to detox itself as long as you feed it properly. (Obviously, there can be some medical conditions and circumstances in which this isn’t true, but it’s generally the case for most healthy bodies.) I just want to get back to the basics and set myself up for a season of healthy eating. So I’m not really detoxing as much as I’m cleansing. Cleansing my palette, my mind, and also my body.

The fridge and freezer are all stocked with fresh produce!

The fridge and freezer are all stocked with fresh produce!

Pantry cabinet with tons of canned beans and tomatoes, whole wheat pastas, nuts, and Larabars (in the green basket).

Pantry cabinet with tons of canned beans and tomatoes, whole wheat pastas, nuts, and Larabars (in the green basket).

If you follow this bog at all, you’re probably wondering why I’m starting a new challenge when I haven’t been able to finish any of the other plans I’ve made. Well, after a few failures (a la 35 workouts, and 10 in 10), I’ve done some thinking (and some blogging) about my issue with binge eating. I know there’s no way I’m ever going to be able to accomplish my fitness goals when I eat the way I do. There are other reasons too, that have all pointed me in the direction of this 7 day detox (I’m still going to call it that, because “cleanse” sounds kinda gross):

  • The binge eating thing.
  • My ADD has gotten really bad lately.
  • I haven’t been sleeping well and my energy levels have been low.
  • My acne-prone skin was looking really nice, but in the past 3 weeks has broken out a ton.
  • I’d rather spend my money on cute summer clothes than on snacks and candy.

One week seems manageable to me – even my husband said he’s going to try to do a modified detox with me! To keep things as reasonable as possible, I’ve broken it up into 2 phases:

Phase 1

  • 3 days
  • Unlimited fruits, veggies, beans, nuts, oils and seasonings
  • No meat, dairy, grains, or added sugar

Phase 2

  • 4 days
  • Unlimited fruits, veggies, beans, and seasonings
  • Meat, dairy, grains, nuts and oils in moderation (about 2 servings per day of each)
  • No added sugar

After the full 7 days is up, I hope to keep up with phase-2-type-eating but add in a little bit of sugar. I’ll probably allow myself 100 calories or so a day of chocolate, alcohol, or other sweets each day. I figure I can save up those calories if I choose too. Sometimes we go out for dessert, bake cookies, sneak candy into the movie theater, or get drinks on the weekends. I’m not going to cut all of that out of my life! I know I don’t need to enjoy those luxuries every evening.

I’m planning on posting every evening with what I eat each day if you’re at all interested in what meals look like without meat, dairy, grains, or sugar. Oh! And I’m also not going to be eating any heavily processed foods. I found some organic, no sugar added, no weird ingredient salad dressings and I plan to continue having Larabars as a snack. A lot of their flavors have no sugar added and are actually 5 ingredients or less. Another note I should make, I don’t normally drink anything but water, but if I was a coffee or tea drinker I’d cut out caffeine in phase 1, and then limit my caffeine in phase 2 to one cup a day of coffee or caffeinated tea. In case you’re wanting to try a similar plan and you are a caffeine drinker. (Please keep in mind that I’m no nutrition expert though. If you’re going to try this, check with your doctor or a nutritionist first!) 

Really, I think this will be a successful challenge. I hope you’ll stick around to see how it goes. I’m sure I’ll need support to stick it out.

Have you ever tried a detox diet? What was it and how did it turn out?


(Sorry for the crummy pictures. Phone was more convenient than the DSLR…)

Progress is progress.

What do you want first – the good news or the bad news?

Let’s get the bad news out of the way…

My eating was so awful and off track today and I’m really disappointed in myself. I’ve actually noticed that my eating is worse on days when I work a full day in the office. I get antsy sitting there all day, and in my boredom I get the munchies. Of course I don’t give into them at work, but when I come home it’s like it has been building up in me all day and I can no longer resist. I’m going to have to think this one through and see if I can think of a way to prevent this from continuing. Wide open to suggestions if you have them!

Okay, the good news. I logged into my Run Keeper account online (Love Run Keeper! If you’re not currently logging your miles, check it out!) last night to see how much I’ve progressed since I first started logging my miles. Since I ran 4 miles yesterday, I looked into my previous 4 mile runs from Spring last year and two years ago.  I’ve come a long way! When I first started training for my first half marathon two years ago I was running a 10:29 average pace for 4 miles:

June 2012

June 2012

About a year later I had gotten my speed up to about 10 minutes per mile on a 4 mile run. I didn’t run much over the winter but I was still improving!

May 2013

May 2013

This year, just yesterday, after working out and running all winter, I’ve drastically improved my pace down to an average 9:10 per mile pace! Ad that’s with allergies and 10mph head winds!

April 2014

April 2014

I’m really not trying to brag, but I cannot believe how far I’ve come. Seeing that (nearly) 9 minute pace makes me feel like I’m a legit runner. It’s a far cry from that chunky grade school kid that finished the Presidential Fitness Mile Run (just 1 mile!) in 12 minutes, 30 seconds! 11 year old me would’ve never seen this coming.  And just think how much better that could be if I could get my eating habits under control and lose a few pounds…I’ll get there.

Tomorrow, pending a fairly healthy respiratory system (not mine), my sister and I will continue with her C25K training. I’m proud of her for running on her own once last week, but then some knee pain, and now a bad cold have prevented her from running any more than that. But she’s still persistently motivated so if we can get out tomorrow, it should be good!

Hopefully she’ll have her own progress story to tell someday. What’s yours? Would young you recognize the current you?


Well, I’m gonna try to write a post on my phone from bed. I apologize if it looks weird or different than normal. I’ve been a little quiet lately. Both here on the blog and in my personal life. I’ve even run my last two 3 milers without music on! I feel like I’m mentally digesting a lot so I’ve been spending more time in my own head than usual. I had a few thoughts though that might mean something to someone so I might as well share.

First off, I’ve been doing pretty well keeping up with my running schedule. I’m now in week two of marathon base training. It helps a ton that the weather has been absolutely perfect the last 4-5 days. Anyone else find its easier to stay on track when it’s nice out? My eating hasn’t been nearly as good but getting better. Which leads me to my next point. (Spoiler alert: I get all spiritual in the following paragraph so if it’s not your cup of tea, feel free to move on. No hard feelings.)

This weekend was Easter. Some years Im really good about setting aside a little extra time for prayer and meditation over Easter weekend. Not this year! I worked Friday, babysat the niece Saturday, and we hosted Easter dinner here Sunday. It just didn’t happen. I went into church Sunday morning not knowing what to expect to hear from the Lord since I spent so little time connecting with Him all weekend. What He showed me was so practical and true, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t realized it yet.

Some sin is a result of us and our human nature. Sometimes we can be effected as a result of others’ sin. Sometimes we’re effected by it just because sin is in this world. My binge eating and axiety issues aren’t my fault. Let me rephrase that. It’s not my fault that my brain is wired in a way that makes me have obsessive thoughts that manifest themselves in the form of binge eating and anxious thoughts. It is a result of sinful human nature. What a relief! Even better is that Christ died and rose again to overcome that sin. Whether it’s our sin, someone else’s sin, or sinful nature, we can claim freedom over that sin in our life! Just like when you repent for your sins or forgive someone else’s sin, it doesn’t mean that when we claim the power of Christ’s resurrection in our lives and over our own sinfum human nature we just sit idly by and do nothing. Repenting requires change, forgiveness requires actions of love, and receiving grace in an area of weakness requires surrender.

I don’t have to do this quitting-binge-eating thing on my own. In fact Christ already died and rose and paid for the sins of the world so I could also put this sin to death. It doesn’t mean I don’t have to try, but there is tremendous power in me working for me that is stronger than anything I face. The Lord doesn’t want us to be bound by anything. Of course he wants me free from anxious thoughts, from binge eating, because he already paid the penalty for those things. Why should I hold onto them then?

So I’m looking at this battle from a new perspective. Just like I held tightly to Jesus’s hand when I lost my job a couple months ago, like I trusted Him when money was tight, I’m going straight to Him with this too. I’m excited about how this will go. I’ve seen the Lord bless us for trusting Him with our jobs and our finances. I would expect this to be no different. I’m quitting binge eating for real this time. Not for me, but so the work of Jesus can be seen in my life. Not so I look skinny, but so my thoughts can rest on Him and not my anxious thoughts. Not so I run better for my own personal pride, but so I can train and complete a race to serve those the Lord loves and wants to bless.

Some serious stuff there. Like I said, I’ve been working through some stuff. Hopefully this spoke to some of you. If it did, I’d love to hear from you. His grace is enough, but he also calls us to be held accountable in community. Maybe through comments and sharing we can be that community. What do you say?

A Sorta Boring Post About My Very Normal Week

This week I’ve really been working hard to tame my binging habit and workout more. I’m happy to report that I’ve taken a small step in that direction. Here’s the recap for you:

Friday: I was off work because my client (the child I tutor) was sick, I was crazy excited because it was supposed to be 60 an sunny! Well, it was 60 and cloudy. And windy. And I was lazy. I didn’t get my run in, but I did get groceries and clean up around the house. Mostly I just relaxed. And I ate a bunch of candy for dinner. Fail!

Saturday: I ran with my running group in the morning. It had gotten really cold again (big surprise!) but we decided to run 5 miles anyway. It was actually my fault we ran that far. When I walked in the door (we meet at our church) the group was debating whether they wanted to run 4 or 5. They said “There’s Megan, let’s see what she wants to do. She’s always up for more mileage.” There’s no way I could’ve said 4 miles after that! So 5 it was. I ran slow (for me) at an average of 10 min, 23 sec per mile. I didn’t feel exhausted when I was done and my asthma symptoms were non existent. So maybe I’m just pushing myself to hard? I didn’t feel energized after that run like I normally do. That was a let down. There’s gotta be a happy compromise between pushing myself and being able to breathe. I usually try for around a 9 min 15 sec pace. My next few runs will be an experiment!

Later that afternoon I watched my niece which is a workout of it’s own. We walked through Target (where she said “hi” to all of the other shoppers we passed, and picked out a new sticker book.) and bought a frozen pizza for dinner and some candy for dessert. She got Vanilla Creme Peeps and I got Junior Mints. My weakness! You don’t have to tell me, I know. We ate so bad. Well, I ate so bad. She had one slice of pizza and two Peeps. I had 3 slices and the entire box of Junior Mints. That’s so much food. Why do I do this to myself?? (Oh yeah, because it tastes good and I have no self control…)

Sunday: We celebrated my husband’s birthday and my future brother in laws’s birthday with my family. My mom warned me she wouldn’t be serving healthy foods and I assured her I wasn’t stressing about my diet anymore. I had some pot roast, lots of green beans and corn, some mashed potatoes with gravy (my mom’s gravy is the best, I can’t pass it up!), and a Grand’s biscuit. I passed on dessert but had a little piece of spice cake later. After dinner, my husband and I went to see Divergent. Of course we smuggled candy into the theater! (For the record, the people next to us in the theater did too. They even brought cans of pop!) So more candy for dinner. Great!

Monday: I decided the candy thing had gotten totally out of control. Today was the day I was done. I was off work (different client was sick!) and home all day so it was really difficult not to munch all day! I had a good breakfast – Special K with sliced strawberries, a decent lunch – turkey and Munster cheese on one slice of home made wheat bread, and made some taco stuffing for dinner (more on that later) which I put over chips as nachos. The only binging I did was on marshmallows. Not great, but a step toward breaking the chocolate habit! I didn’t get a workout in, but I did give the kitchen a good cleaning and straightened up the rest of the house.

Tuesday: I was back at work again and was exhausted by the end of the day. I knew I had a full night of at-home training for work so I did cave and pick up, you guessed it, a box of Junior Mints to get me through it. I made a good dinner (another recipe I’ll share soon) before I broke into the box. Okay, I had a handful on the way home from the store. But the majority were eaten while working.

Wednesday: I spent all morning finishing up my work from the night before and then rushed off to work. I packed my gym bag this time so if it was too cold to run outside, I could go straight to the gym after work. It ended up being almost 40 and sunny so I decided to go for a run in my neighborhood. By the time I finished changing, clouds had rolled in and the wind picked up. It was cold, but I was already dressed and ready to go so I did a quick 2.5 miles. I didn’t think I was pushing myself until I noticed my pace. my first mile was under 9 minutes! Oops! I wanted to make my short run count, but I didn’t plan on dipping that low! My legs felt good though, so I decided to stick with it as long as I could. I went 1.4 miles before I needed to stop and walk (because I could hardly breathe) I walked until 1.5 miles then ran the last mile home where I spent the next half hour trying to catch my breath on the front porch. My overall average was 9 min, 9 sec per mile. Not bad!

I had a good dinner of nachos (that sounds so bad but it’s really not, you’ll see later) and that was all I ate the rest of the night! I was really proud of myself for not snacking. My husband had some crackers, but I didn’t take any. I just drank water.

Today: So far I’ve only had breakfast, but I’m planning on a slow 3-4 mile run (at the gym because it’s 38 outside, with a feel like of 29 and 16 mph winds) and then some leftover whole wheat gnocchi for lunch. I’ve got to run a few errands and then I’m seeing Divergent (again! It’s really good!) with my sister in law, and going to a pop up market called Hunt and Gather with my mom. I’m planning on snacking at the movie theater and having a sandwich when I get home later tonight.

I know this wasn’t the most interesting post I’ve written, but it’s normal me with normal struggles, excuses, and small successes. Thanks for stopping by and sticking around! How’s your week been?


A few things on my mind tonight…

I maintained my weight loss this week! It sounds crazy to get excited about that, but I started off the week by eating over 1,2oo calories in puppy chow on Saturday night. Plus the salami cream cheese pinwheels on crackers, cheese ball cheese on crackers, chili no bean dip with chips, and Oreo balls. I began with such a massive overage in calories that even by the end of the week I was still only up to a total deficit of 5,250 calories, 85% of my goal for the week. Yikes! Needless to say, I am not to be trusted with appetizery junk foods. I’m relieved that I didn’t gain! I’m still 8 lbs down, and 4 lbs to go. 4 lbs, 3 weeks. It’s still doable but boy is it crunch time!

My gut is unhappy. I won’t go into too much detail, but despite my consuming mostly healthy (fresh produce, lean meats, beans and nuts, whole grains) foods my tummy is not doing so great. My body just isn’t digesting food regularly. I’m not quite sure to do about it… I’m probably going to give it another week so see if things get back to normal, but I’d still love to hear any suggestions you may have. Especially anything that wouldn’t include cutting out any foods.

Last night’s workout was probably not a great idea. I decided to run 10 miles. I just needed to know if I could still do it. Well, I can’t exactly. It wasn’t terrible. I set the treadmill to 6mph and was okay for the first hour (6 miles), but the treadmill only goes up to 60 minutes so when I restarted it I took a bathroom break too. I really had trouble getting back into it. I had to stop and walk for 1/4 of a mile only 1/2 a mile in. When I started running again, I couldn’t keep up with 6mph and cut the speed down to 5.8mph. Not slow by any means, but slower than normal for me. And I was only on mile 7; I know I’m more than capable of running 7 miles. So then my hip started hurting. I ran to 2 miles then walked again for another 1/4 mile. I thought about giving up at 9 miles, but I’m stubborn and determined and wanted to do the full 10 I set out to do. I bumped the speed up to 6mph to finish off mile 9, then increased the speed .1mph for each .1 mile I ran in mile 10. My hip actually felt better running faster! I ended up finishing the full 10 miles (at a .5% incline) in 1 hour, 43 minutes. That’s actually pretty close to what I’d run outside in the middle of my half marathon training, so overall not bad. Plus, 1037 calories burned! Win!

Yoga. I love me some yoga. I am SUPER uncoordinated but for some reason I’m pretty decent at yoga. The slow movements and deep breathing must help somehow. So my running group was supposed to meet again this morning for yoga (I think we’re on polar vortex 4 or 5 now? No outside running, thank you!), but when I got there, they were being taught kick boxing. I tried, I really did. But when the instructor lost me 3 minutes in, while everyone else was getting it, I decided I just couldn’t. It wasn’t going to be a good workout for me if I was standing there trying to figure out what I was doing half the time. I left, and I was actually pretty upset. All of this workout, building strength, building confidence, and yet I still can’t follow a simple kick boxing workout?? So frustrating. I was also frustrated that I woke up at 6:45 on a Saturday morning, drove almost a half hour on unplowed roads in the snow to get to my church, and then I couldn’t even participate. Well, I stopped at the library on my way home and checked out 3 yoga DVD’s. Problem solved! I get to keep them for 2 weeks, so I should have plenty of time to try them all out.

Today’s cheat meal was great! I do much better calorie wise with cheat meals than snacks! I went wedding dress shopping for my sister with my mom, my niece, and my sister’s best friend. If was so fun and she found the dress! After shopping we went to Round the Clock, a cozy little diner. We all pretty much had the chicken parmesan panini with fries (and ranch), lemon rice soup, and chocolate peanut butter cream pie. I know, it sounds like a lot. I only ate about half of it. It was probably a splurge of 1500 calories, but I had a 256 calorie breakfast and will have a 313 calorie dinner tonight putting me only 569 calories of my 1500 calorie per day goal. (As opposed to last week’s 1700 calories over!) It’s a good start to a new week!

How was your week? Any weight losers out there? My sister is doing a combo of a low calorie and paleo diet and has lost 12 lbs in the last month! Anyone else have luck with the paleo diet and have some tips or recipes to share?

(No pictures again. Sorry. Got lazy.)


It’s been a while. I’m sorry. Thursday was one of the worst days I’ve had in a long time. I got yelled at (literally) by my boss and received 2 write up for forgetting to make 2 phone calls. He crushed my spirit and I didn’t have then enegry to workout or write. Friday was a bit better, but it was date night so I missed my workout and writing once again. Today though, I totally made up for all of that. I spent over 2 hours at the gym and here I am updating!

My workout today was a twofer. I ran 6 miles on the treadmill, switching off between a 1/2% and 1% incline and then dropping to a 0% incline on the last mile but increasing the speed by .1 mph for every tenth of a mile. Today I dedicated my 6 miles to Meg’s Miles, a virtual running event to honor the life of Meg Cross Menzies and raise awareness for safety for runners on the road. If you haven’t heard, Monday morning this week, Meg was out for a morning run. It was light out, she was on a 2 foot wide shoulder running toward traffic. She did everything right. A drunk driver swerved off the road and killed her. So today I ran 6 miles for her. I spent a little time praying for her family and friends and that this would finally be a time for awareness to be raised for the safety of runners out on roads in every neighborhood. Please friends, be conscious of pedestrians while driving!

Anyway, after my 6 mile run, I went to LA’s Body Works Plus Abs class (finally! I’ve been trying to make it for weeks!). It was okay. They ran out of 5lb weights so I had to hold two 2.5 lb weights and it was a little hard to hold onto them; not too heavy, my thumb just hurt from hold two handles instead of one. The upper boy workout would’ve been great though with the right weights. The ab portion was fantastic. I didn’t feel like there was much of a lower body workout and I ended up skipping the cool down and spent 10 minutes on a few lower body weight machines. I  wrapped it all up with 10 minutes on the elliptical. 914 calories burned total! I considered half those calories workout 10 and half workout 11. So I’m still on track.

My eating on the other hand – not on track at all. Thursday I was upset and only had my three meals, no snacks. and only 4 glasses of water. Friday I did well all day until I skipped half of my afternoon snack and went out for dinner with my husband. We went to a Mexican restaurant and I had tons of chips and salsa, 1 1/2 small chicken quesadillas, and hald of the refried beans and rice. Oh, plus some sour cream and guacamole. I was stuffed. ANd then I went home and had 800 calories of York peppermint patties. I felt sick to my stomach. I hope never to do that again! All in all I’m going to guess it was an extra 2,200 calories. Yikes! I was to hungry from not eating enough Thursday. Luckily I was still full today from eating too much last night too. I only had lunch, a 100 calorie snack, a MUCH smaller portion of last night’s dinner, and dessert. Right about 1,000 calories for today. Tomorrow I get back on track!

Oh, and my weight. Yesterday I weighed in at the exact weight I was last Friday. I was a little bummed. But I didn’t gain anything and my clothes are much looser so I know I’m still on track. Actually today at the grocery store, someone noticed my Polar Dash fleece and asked if I ran the 14 mile course last Saturday – she was surprised that I ran the 10k cause I looked like I was in good running shape! And then an older couple by the check out said I looked skinny and like I’d be a fast runner (this came from out of nowhere, seriously!) and then said I was really strong to pick fit all my groceries into 2 bags and then carry them out to the car one on each shoulder. And honestly, I am pretty strong to be able to do that. I wouldn’t have been able to do that a few weeks ago. I’m still proud of the progress I’ve made and excited to see what the next 5 weeks holds!

(Sorry for the lack of pictures today….)

How was your Saturday workout? Anyone else run for Meg?