A Hope Full Post

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I take no credit for this lovely image.

I had this really dreary, depressing post all written up to post today. I didn’t really want to post it ’cause – who would want to read my sad, pity party posts…? Yeah, no one.

Thing is, yesterday’s work out was really freaking hard and it made me feel like a failure. I did some assisted weight machines for my arms and then attempted to run 2 miles. 2 kids and 90 lbs ago, that would’ve been too easy for me. I did alright on the weights – turns out carrying a 27 lb toddler around gives you pretty strong mom arms, but I walked most of my “run” and only got to 1.5 miles before I had to stop. I couldn’t breathe (partially due to exercise induced asthma and I forgot my inhaler) and I was extremely fatigued. Not the “man, that was a tough workout” kind of fatigued, the “I better be prepared to yank that red string because I could actually pass out” kind of fatigue. You know – the kind the on the treadmill warning labels where they tell you to stop your workout and seek assistance. Still, I made it to the gym even if I didn’t feel like I got the best workout.

Today I definitely ate a little more candy than I should of. I was tired, and falling asleep at the computer while working from home. Next thing I knew, the rest of the mini Reese’s were gone. I had 6-7 Sunday night, maybe 10 last night, and the rest today. And there’s 3.5 servings, 11 pieces each, in the bag… I was feeling fat and unmotivated and didn’t know if I’d ever get back the drive to take care of myself again.

We just joined the YMCA last week and I noticed they had Yoga so I put it on my schedule for Tuesday nights. I didn’t know if I’d actually go since the kids are at Grandma’s house all day and then David would have to put the to bed at night. So basically – could my family survive an entire day without me?? I decided to put it to the test and go.

Best. Decision. Ever.

You guys, it’s exactly what I needed to get in my groove again. As I laid there letting my body relax I had a few realizations: (Disclaimer – if you’re not into spiritual stuff, you can stop reading now. )

  • All this extra weight on my body is the physical manifestation of the burdens I’ve taken on. Unnecessarily. I need to release whats weighing down my mind to the Lord before I can let go of the physical weight of my stress.
  • I feel like my kids are an extension of me. I don’t know if that’s a normal thing for a mom to think or not, but it’s how I feel. I’m responsible for them as little as they are. But that doesn’t mean I take care of them and neglect myself. If they look to me to meet their needs, how can I meet them unless I’m filled up? And I can’t fill myself up, that’s gotta come right from the source. From God. I had this image of an intensely bright white light shining onto me and soaked my skin, making me glow. And then that light lighting up my kids.
  • On the way home a heard a couple songs on the radio that reminded me that I still have hope. That I’m not finished. And that I need to keep fighting to be the person I’m meant to be.
  • Our theme for this school year (I have a part time teaching job at a Christian school in the after school care program) is the fruits of the spirit. The character traits that will flow out of a person that is filled with the Holy Spirit. It also happened to be what our sermon at church was about this Sunday – think God’s trying to teach me something? What keeps sticking out to me is self control. It doesn’t come naturally for me (and most people probably!), but if I am being filled by the Spirit, and making that my focus, it will flow out of me – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control will become part of my character.

Satan has been keeping me in my own head – busy with kids, work, everyday life, financial worries, car trouble, and all the other dumb stuff that’s been distracting me, all my excuses, to keep me weighed down (in every way). It’s not going to be easy – God never promises life will be a breeze, just to give us what we need to overcome life’s struggles. And I’m going to overcome. Life is meant to be better than this.

How’s that for motivation!?

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Beginning Again

According to this site, It’s been nearly 2 years since my last post. Somehow, I consistently have several views per day and people keep looking up my Facebook page. So I guess that’s pretty cool. Those who know me personally may know where I’ve been, for those who don’t here’s the abbreviated story:

I had two babies, struggled with some health issues (the babies’ and mine), quit running and gained a lot of weight.

Aren’t they the cutest!?

The last thing I want to do is obsess over my weight and shape, but I’m not comfortable in this limiting, bigger body and I need to get healthy so I can be a better mom. And I desperately need some accountability.

I have 90 lbs to lose.

First goal is pre-Maisie weight – 225 (25lbs lost)

Second goal is ‘One’derland – 195 (55lbs lost)

Third goal is wearing my old favorite clothes – 175 (75lbs lost)

And someday, Pre-pregnancy weight – 160 (90lbs lost)

For now I don’t have a grand plan. Weights and cardio at least 4 days a week and following my own meal plans – 1900 calories a day will be my initial goal. Beyond that, I’ll just be making it up as I go!

Anyone who’s interested in following along – what would you like to see me post about?

Two Weeks!

I’ve been sugar free for two weeks now! Almost – I had a 1 cubic inch scotcharoo on Sunday. But that’s it. And actually, tomorrow will be two weeks. But I’m not planning on any treats. I’m not feeling quite as good as I did when I first quit. I just feel normal. But I’ve lost another pound and I’ve had the energy to start working out again.

The gym I go to has excellent child care for only $1 an hour. So I drop Emmie off, spend 45-50 minutes working out (weights and running on the treadmill), pick her up and bring her home. She goes down for her morning nap while I shower and get ready for the day. It’s been working out nicely. I’m committing to going to the gym on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings at least. Those are my most free days since I have doctor appointments and MOPS childcare that I work at every other week. And I don’t have to miss out on time spent with Emmie (my love language = quality time!) because I went down to 4 days a week at work and get to be home with her every Wednesday now!

Since I’m home Wednesdays now, I’m making it my grocery and cooking day. While I was pumping (at the kitchen table…) I made my meal plan for the week and grocery list. I’m hoping I can wake up Emmie, feed her, and then take her to the grocery store. Once she’s down for her afternoon nap I’m planning to prep for mason jar salads and get dinner started. Praying this goes smoothly and is doable!

Here’s what’s on the menu this week:

Breakfast: Always cereal and almond milk, or oatmeal

Lunch: Salad – I’m thinking tuna, chickpeas, carrots, goat cheese, chopped walnuts, with romaine lettuce and three cheese dressing (an oil based dressing from Aldi)

Dinners:

Slow Cooker Fajitas

Honey Balsamic Chicken Breasts and Veggies (Replacing asparagus with green beans and tomatoes with sweet petite carrots)

And then I’ll pull something out of the freezer over the weekend 🙂

Time to go wake up the munchkin!

I quit.

Since Emmie was born (4 months ago! How did that happen!?) I’ve been eating a ton of candy. I don’t drink coffee (gross) so I was using sugar to keep me going. It started off with trail mix, then chocolate chips, then M & M’s, Junior Mints, and cookies. Junior Mints are my downfall. I could seriously eat a family sized box a day. I figured out which store had fresher ones, and how to tell if they had gotten smashed and were sticking together or were still perfectly intact in the box. It was bad. And I had gained 15 lbs of the 20 I lost when I first had Emmie. It was taking a toll on my body. I had no energy even when I ate sugar. I just crashed right away. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been not pregnant and it’s taking it’s toll on my feet, knees, and back. I HATE the way I look and feel. Unless I slouch, I have back rolls that make me uncomfortable. I still look like I’m 3 months pregnant. I’ve gained so much in my thighs and butt that even my maternity pants don’t fit. I went up a size to fit my lower half, and avoid the dreaded muffin top, and they fall down all day long because my belly is mush. Something had to change!

Thankful that baby wraps cover a lot of my belly ;)

Thankful that baby wraps cover a lot of my belly 😉

I quit sugar.

It’s been 5 days now and the most sugar I’ve had has been the occasional granola bar (the healthier Kind brand), some Star Wars shaped graham crackers, cereal and almond milk. I started eating salads again – I have a 12 pack of mason jars waiting to be washed so I can pre-package them. And I bought a ton of pre-made grocery items so I could cook dinner. Pre-cooked hard boiled eggs, pre-cooked bacon, pre-cooked chicken strips, pre-sliced fruits and veggies. It costs a little more, but it’s the only way I’ll stick with this.

I’ve only lost a pound so far, but I feel so much better. I have energy again. And it just makes me feel good to know that I’m taking some kind of action even if it’s a baby step.

I’m hoping to clean up my diet little by little now. First was sugary treats, next thing to go will be added sugar, then I’ll get rid of processed food, then hopefully incorporate some calorie tracking, and finally (when I’m done breastfeeeding) I’ll cut back on carbs. Somehow along the way I hope to get back to working out too. I have a total of 49 pounds to lose now to get back to my pre-Emmie weight. I’m guessing it’ll take me at least 9-10 months. But for now I’m just focusing on one day at a time!

4 Weeks and 7 Miles!

Four score and seven years ago…. Kind of feel like I’m beginning an epic speech here! But really, I have 4 more weeks of pregnancy left (hopefully not much more or less) and I’ve run 7 miles in the last week! And not just waddling quickly, actual running. With running shoes tied as loose as possible and a maternity support belt, I can enjoy myself most of the time. I’d post a picture of my getup but I always forget before I run, and by the time I’m done I just want to rip everything off. Maybe next time.

Saturday I ran with my running group. It still really bums me out that I’m not training for any race right now. Everyone is so amped up for training season, and I’m just trying to keep some semblance of fitness so I can get back into things easier after baby. I may still sign up for a fall half marathon if my labor and recovery don’t do me in. Anyway, Saturday – I ran 4 miles! I was listening to Pandora on my phone (per usual) and walked one song, ran two songs. It made me a little nervous to go out on the trail 2 miles (out 2 miles, back 2 miles), but I figured I could always walk back, I had my phone if I needed to call for a ride, and there were about 20 other runners with my group that would’ve seen me if something happened to me. I’m so glad I did!

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This morning I decided to go out for another run. I’ve been running once or twice a week and didn’t know if I could still do that 36 weeks pregnant. But again, I played it safe. Good shoes, support belt, water bottle, phone, and I stayed close enough to home that I could walk back if I needed to. Speaking of home, I live near a school that was just starting their school day as I went out to run… you should’ve seen some of the looks I got! They probably think I’m seriously nuts for running with this belly!

Today’s run was a little harder. I think the baby’s position has a lot to do with it. She favors the right side with her head down, hands in my hip bones, knees behind my belly button, and toes under my ribs. I get a lot of round ligament pain and cramping on my right side and I think that the extra weight and all her limbs tucked into my bones is what does it. Saturday, I could feel that she was front and center and I had hardly any ligament pain or cramping. So I did what I could today. Still walked one song, ran two, but had some sharp ligament pains the last quarter mile that made me walk. Still really proud of myself!

Done.

Warning: this is a whiny post. Read at your own risk.

I love my daughter. She’s not even here yet, but I know that she’s going to be a pretty amazing kid. I can already tell that she’s kinda spunky, pretty sweet, and strong. She kicks and wiggles nearly non stop, but will calm down if I rub her back. Tonight her dad talked to her on the side of my belly where she isn’t laying, and she scooted over to get closer to his voice! She loves Need to Breathe and dances like crazy during the music at church. The cleft in her lip has grown together leading me believe that this little girl is a fighter like her momma. She’s going to be pretty special.

But…

I am so done being pregnant with her.

I’m done waking up in the middle of the night with heartburn. I’m miss getting up in the morning and going for a run. I need to eat food that has garlic in it, cause let’s face it, garlic is in everything delicious. I want to wear more than just the 6 skirts and dresses I own that still fit. I crave a Captain and diet – and preferably I’d enjoy that while standing in the back of a bar for a few hours at a local rock concert. I kinda like having ankles; more importantly, I like not having the skin on my ankles hurt from stretching to accommodate the swelling. I long for energy – yes, I know babies cause sleep deprivation – but now I get plenty of sleep and still can hardly function. I never want to cry again. I want to sleep on my stomach. I’d love to have the mental capacity to read an actual book! It’d be lovely to bend over or get out of the car without breaking a sweat.

I’m am beyond grateful that I was able to be pregnant, but now, at 35 weeks, I’m just done. Can any active moms relate?

Falling Apart and Feeling Good.

I’m sitting here on the couch just laughing at myself and the pitiful state I’m in. Baby has lodged her foot/feet under my rib and it’s been there all. day. long. Don’t worry, I’m Googling solutions for this.

On top of that, I think I may have SPD (symphisis pubis dysfunction). It’s when the hormone called relaxin, which is supposed to loosen up your joints for labor, kicks in a bit too soon and spreads your pubic bones apart causing pain in the public area and inner thighs. sometimes I can hardly move because my groin area has cramped up so bad, and other times it doesn’t bother me at all. So far it definitely KILLS to go up stairs, roll over in bed at night, and to squat to pick something up.

I’m pretty pathetic!

Somehow, however, I was able to run this past Saturday! I woke up early and got dressed for running group. I had planned to walk 2-3 miles. Then it started raining. I figured that if I was going to go to running group in the rain, I may as well try to run. And I did! I put on some music and ran one song then walked one song for 3 miles! I felt great afterward because I really took it easy. I may try again tomorrow. I miss running so much!

I’ve been eating kind of okay lately. I’ve decided that it’s hard to eat healthy when you gain weight and feel fat and can’t enjoy exercising anyway. I really, really, need to cut out the sugar from my diet. I’m done with one of my part time jobs now so maybe next week, when I have a new meal plan and a little more time, I’ll really focus on my diet and eat better. I made some great meals this past week or so (take a look below), but then husband and I went to the drive in movies on Saturday night (junk food dinner, popcorn, and candy – it was a double feature), I picked up Noodles and Company for lunch while I was out running errands Sunday (1,000 calories for mac and cheese. Whoa), and yesterday I skipped dinner and had popcorn at candy at the movies instead (Mother’s Day treat with mom, sis and niece – thanks Dad!). Maybe I just need to stop going to the movies??

Here was dinner for the week:

Crockpot Carne Guisada (Latin Beef Stew) with brown rice and corn on the cob

Crockpot Carne Guisada (Latin Beef Stew) from Skinnytaste

Turkey Burgers with Zucchini with baked (grilled actually) sweet potatoes

Turkey Burgers with Zucchini from Skinnytaste

20 Minute Skillet Chicken and Spinach Parmesan with whole wheat spaghetti and steamed fresh green beans

20 Minute Chicken and Spinach Parmesan from Mom on Time Out

It was all DELICIOUS.

Breakfasts have been cereal with almond milk, and lunches have been sandwiches, fruit and almonds typically for a snack. Just that dang sugar. It’s making me and baby too fat…

Last but not least, this update was one of the biggest highlights of my week – for my first Mother’s Day, husband booked me a one hour prenatal massage. It was glorious. I had no idea that I was in so much pain until it was gone! I had my massage yesterday morning and since then (besides the aforementioned issues), I have been able to move around so much better and easier. I have a ton more energy and I even slept through the night last night. 7 hours straight! It had been months. Next pregnancy, I’m getting more massages, and much earlier. I am a changed woman!

What’s new in your world?