I am just so sick of setbacks I could scream.
Last week I finally accepted the fact that I’m struggling to work two part time jobs, raise my 2 amazing girls, take care of (most of) the cooking and cleaning and errand running, and take care of my basic hygiene needs. On top of that, I NEED to start losing weight. How on earth am I suppose to fit in a few hours of meal planning and calorie counting, and make time to get a more vigorous work out in most days – when I have trouble finding time to shower. I know it sounds like I’m making excuses, but this is really just a busy season of life!
I have a couple hours of free time at night that I generally spend working, watching a little TV, or baking. I can work during the day more, I don’t need to watch TV or bake as much. But 9:30pm is way too late to workout! So Sunday night, I set my alarm for 5:15am so I could get in a workout, a shower, and even a little devotion time before the baby wakes up at 7. Well, I turned my alarm off in my sleep, and then when I did get to the gym, my back hurt to bad to lift weights, plank, or even run. I was frustrated but didn’t let it get to me because at least I tried!
I was up late Monday and my back was really hurting by the end of the night so I skipped my Tuesday morning workout. I skipped my Wednesday morning workout too because my back was still not quite right. By the end of the day Wednesday, I was in such excruciating pain that I couldn’t sit on the couch, I was barely able to walk to my bedroom, and I tried to climb into bed for 40 minutes but couldn’t – even with David’s help. The pain was literally a 10 out of 10. It was as bad as giving birth – no exaggeration – and I didn’t get an epidural with either of my two kids. I finally caved and went to the ER. That was a production in itself. I couldn’t bear any weight on my right leg so I wiggled my left foot while I held onto the countertop and shuffled down to the stairs. I literally screamed down each step. Once I got outside, there was nothing to hold onto so David and my father in law (he and my mother in law came to sit at the house cause it was 2am and the kids were both sleeping!) grabbed the patio chairs and strategically placed them along the sidewalk so I could grab onto them. Getting into the car was like ripping off a bandaid (that’s superglued to your genitals perhaps). I just had to do it even though it hurt like heck.
After an hour in the ER, I discovered that I have a bulging or herniated disc in my lumbar. I had been struggling with it since after my pregnancy with Emmie. It was gone after several chiropractic visits but came back when I was about 8 months pregnant with Maisie. It’s come and gone since then, but has never been this bad. The doctor thinks the disc was touching nerves which is why I couldn’t put any weight on my right leg. I was hitting nerves each time I did! They gave me a shot of Tramadol, some Flexeril, and an Ibuprofin 800 and sent me home. It was still horribly painful to get in the car, but by the time I got home I could (still painfully) get myself into bed with David’s help.
So now I’m on 2 painkillers, a muscle relaxer, and a steroid. I have to ice my back 4 times a day and I’m not supposed to pick up the kids. David took Thursday off to help with the kids, and his mom came for a couple hours so he could leave for just a little bit. Friday is David’s off day anyway, but he did have to go to work for just a little bit, so my mom came to help with the kids. I took Thursday off work – we only got about 4 hours of sleep and I still could hardly walk, but I did go to work Friday. My back finally started to feel better after I walked around at work Friday. Today (Saturday) I was on my own with the kids for quite a bit. We went to a Halloween party so there was getting the in and out of the car, getting them dressed, and then once we got home, putting them to bed. I’m sure my back is going to kill in the morning.
One step forward, two steps back…..
Monday I go see my new PCP. I had initially made the appointment to have my thyroid checked – I keep gaining weight even when I do eat fairly healthy and exercise and even the ER doctor said my thyroid felt slightly enlarged – but now I’m also going to get a referral for physical therapy.
Something has got to give! I’m obese from pregnancies and post-partum stress disorder after I had Emmie, I can’t lose it cause my thyroid is outta whack, which is also causing me to be pre-diabetic, and my obesity is causing my to have major back problems so I can’t even workout to get the weight off.
And really, I mostly just miss running. It was such a huge part of my life and my identity before I became a mom. It’s the one thing I had always done for me. It was the start to most of my days and it set the tone for my day. I got a shower everyday before I had to go anywhere. I know if I can get to the point where the weight is slowly coming off, and I’m physically able to run, I can get back into it again.
And with that, it’s time to go to bed and give my body the rest it needs to heal.