Because, life.

I was so ambitious thinking I’d have time to raise a toddler and infant, take care of my house, keep clothes and dishes washed, run errands, work 25 hours a week, eat, sleep, workout, AND write regular blog posts. Ha! This is a really busy season of life, most days I feel like I’m barely keeping my head up above water.

When I first started trying to lose weight this time around, I was only working 10 hours a week, so when I added my school job back into my schedule again, weight loss took a back seat. But this week has been a really hard week and I’m slowly getting motivated to get back to it again.

I want to share these things a little bit just to process, but also to maybe share some fresh motivation for others. So here we go…

I found out this week that despite going to a recovery group for binge eating, and really doing MUCH better now with support, that I gained 10 lbs in the last few weeks even though I cut probably over a thousand (no exaggeration) calories a day out of my diet. I now have 100 lbs to lose. Nothing could be more discouraging. Except…

I found out I’m pre diabetic. I was just curious so I took my fasting blood sugar a couple days this week and I had one reading of 107, one that was 115. Anything under 100 is normal, over 125 is diabetic. I know my hypertension is still an issue too. And I have sacroiliac joint hyper mobility. Basically, my ligaments are still lose from pregnancy so the joint in my lower back that connects to my pelvis, that transfers the weight of my upper body to lower, gets inflamed from time to time (about once a week lately) and I can hardly walk. So my health is very much at stake.

Here’s where it gets better! I went to see Imagine Dragons in concert this week, their music has a way of inspiring and healing me, and heard their new song Whatever It Takes for the first time. My first thought was – if I was able to run, this song would be my anthem right now. And then I just cried for a while (a couple days later, not at the concert!) because I SO miss my old body. Then I listened to the words a little more closely:

Always had a fear of being typical
Looking at my body feeling miserable
Always hanging on to the visual
I wanna be invisible

And the chorus:

Whatever it takes
‘Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins
I do whatever it takes
‘Cause I love how it feels when I break the chains
Whatever it takes
You take me to the top I’m ready for
Whatever it takes
‘Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins
I do what it takes

Hits me right in the gut. Just really speaks to what I’m struggling with right now. Wanting to feel that adrenaline again. That joy from pushing myself, and overcoming. It’s how God wired me to be, and it’s what’s been missing from my life since I became a mom.

So then I go to my support group and was left with a couple thoughts that have been fueling me too. First is that I need to have self control to lose this weight but also not be in control. Because I’m not in control. My life is not my own! And obvious answer:

Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT)

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

I mean, duh. It’s literally our theme verse for the year at my school job. So more time spent in prayer, in the Bible, in meditation. The self control will come as the Spirit comes.

And then tonight I finally remembered to look up a verse that a support group member  mentioned:

Psalm 112:7-8 (NLT)

They do not fear bad news;
    they confidently trust the Lord to care for them.
They are confident and fearless
    and can face their foes triumphantly.

What an amazing reminder that I don’t need to fear for my health. That the Lord will care for me. That I can have confidence I will win this battle. The Lord is on my side!

So there you have it. I needed a breakthrough and a breakthrough I got!

More practically (because what is motivation without action?) I decided to pay for an online meal planning site to help cut down on the time it takes me to meal plan and make a grocery list. It’s called Plan To Eat and so far I love it. I can add all of my own recipes (and I’m only putting healthy recipes in!) so that I don’t need to learn how to cook anything new. I can import recipes form Pinterest of anywhere online too. It only takes a minute or two! And there’s a place to add nutrition info. Then you search for, drag and drop your recipes onto a calendar. You can plan out how ever many meals a day you need. Then it auto-generates a shopping list for you, by store. It’s actually a checklist so you can use your phone or tablet to pull it up in the store. And then there’s the cooking view. It puts the ingredients on one side of the screen and the recipe on the other so it’s easy to read while cooking. I think it’s going to be really helpful!

I’m also adjusting my schedule too. Instead of staying up late just to enjoy some kid-free downtime. I’m going to try to go to bed early and wake up early. Right now I’m sleeping from 12-7. I’m going to try 10:30-5:30. It’s early, but that way I can get a 45 minute workout in, shower, and have a little protein smoothie before the kids even wake up. Plus I know I do a lot better with my eating habits when I workout in the morning. Why waste a good workout by eating junk all day?

Sorry for the length. I had a lot to unload! Hopefully next time you hear from me it’ll be sooner, and I’ll have a story of success!

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