I had this really dreary, depressing post all written up to post today. I didn’t really want to post it ’cause – who would want to read my sad, pity party posts…? Yeah, no one.
Thing is, yesterday’s work out was really freaking hard and it made me feel like a failure. I did some assisted weight machines for my arms and then attempted to run 2 miles. 2 kids and 90 lbs ago, that would’ve been too easy for me. I did alright on the weights – turns out carrying a 27 lb toddler around gives you pretty strong mom arms, but I walked most of my “run” and only got to 1.5 miles before I had to stop. I couldn’t breathe (partially due to exercise induced asthma and I forgot my inhaler) and I was extremely fatigued. Not the “man, that was a tough workout” kind of fatigued, the “I better be prepared to yank that red string because I could actually pass out” kind of fatigue. You know – the kind the on the treadmill warning labels where they tell you to stop your workout and seek assistance. Still, I made it to the gym even if I didn’t feel like I got the best workout.
Today I definitely ate a little more candy than I should of. I was tired, and falling asleep at the computer while working from home. Next thing I knew, the rest of the mini Reese’s were gone. I had 6-7 Sunday night, maybe 10 last night, and the rest today. And there’s 3.5 servings, 11 pieces each, in the bag… I was feeling fat and unmotivated and didn’t know if I’d ever get back the drive to take care of myself again.
We just joined the YMCA last week and I noticed they had Yoga so I put it on my schedule for Tuesday nights. I didn’t know if I’d actually go since the kids are at Grandma’s house all day and then David would have to put the to bed at night. So basically – could my family survive an entire day without me?? I decided to put it to the test and go.
Best. Decision. Ever.
You guys, it’s exactly what I needed to get in my groove again. As I laid there letting my body relax I had a few realizations: (Disclaimer – if you’re not into spiritual stuff, you can stop reading now. )
- All this extra weight on my body is the physical manifestation of the burdens I’ve taken on. Unnecessarily. I need to release whats weighing down my mind to the Lord before I can let go of the physical weight of my stress.
- I feel like my kids are an extension of me. I don’t know if that’s a normal thing for a mom to think or not, but it’s how I feel. I’m responsible for them as little as they are. But that doesn’t mean I take care of them and neglect myself. If they look to me to meet their needs, how can I meet them unless I’m filled up? And I can’t fill myself up, that’s gotta come right from the source. From God. I had this image of an intensely bright white light shining onto me and soaked my skin, making me glow. And then that light lighting up my kids.
- On the way home a heard a couple songs on the radio that reminded me that I still have hope. That I’m not finished. And that I need to keep fighting to be the person I’m meant to be.
- Our theme for this school year (I have a part time teaching job at a Christian school in the after school care program) is the fruits of the spirit. The character traits that will flow out of a person that is filled with the Holy Spirit. It also happened to be what our sermon at church was about this Sunday – think God’s trying to teach me something? What keeps sticking out to me is self control. It doesn’t come naturally for me (and most people probably!), but if I am being filled by the Spirit, and making that my focus, it will flow out of me – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control will become part of my character.
Satan has been keeping me in my own head – busy with kids, work, everyday life, financial worries, car trouble, and all the other dumb stuff that’s been distracting me, all my excuses, to keep me weighed down (in every way). It’s not going to be easy – God never promises life will be a breeze, just to give us what we need to overcome life’s struggles. And I’m going to overcome. Life is meant to be better than this.
How’s that for motivation!?