37/…?

I haven’t posted anything in a while. It’s because I haven’t done anything in a while. Last week, I was totally burnt out on this working out/eating healthy thing. The past few days have been filled with sitting around, eating too much, and doing whatever I feel like doing. It’s been a great break, but now I’m starting to feel pretty bad about myself. Not because I won’t be able to finish out my 35 workout commitment (13 workouts in 12 days – not gonna happen), but because I just can’t seem to shake my old bad habits. I still want to keep my head about this; in the past I would slip into old patterns and decide I would never be able to be the fit and happy version of myself that I know and love, and I’d give up for months. I’m not beating myself up this time for a few reasons:

Working out should add to the quality of life, not take away from it. It was just too much this time. Too much of my time, too much of a hassle too many days of the week, too intense for too many days in a row. I think I’d be much happier with fewer, but maybe more intense workouts. I love the challenge, but spending 2 hours 5 days a week driving to the gym, changing clothes, working out, driving home, and showering was too much. I usually run 5 days a week in my neighborhood, going to the gym is way more complicated and time consuming.

Old habits are hard to kick, and that’s okay. I grew up with two skinny parents that ate junk food all the time. I didn’t know any different. It was the 90’s. Everyone ate junk food. I knew I ate too much of it, because I was a big girl, but I just didn’t know. I didn’t learn anything about nutrition until I was well into my 20’s. Really just in the last 3 years. I still think that nothing tastes better than a frozen pizza of Velveeta shells and cheese. I sometimes miss Doritos, Hot Pockets, and Double Stuf Oreos. It may take a while to undo 26 years of poor food knowledge. Every time I fall back into those old habits, I get less satisfaction from my old favorite comfort foods, and get back on track quicker. That’s a huge step in the right direction!

It’s about maintaining a healthy lifestyle. It’s not just about vacation. It’s not about fitting into a certain size or having a flat tummy (although those things are nice too!). It’s about taking care of this body that God gave me. It’s setting an example for my future family and breaking the old patterns an habits of overeating and inactivity that I grew up in. It’s about enjoying life because I’m strong, healthy, happy and full of energy.

When I first began to write this post, I had no idea what I was going to write. It’s amazing how writing can be such a powerful outlet. I can see now that I’m not ready to throw in the towel, but I’m not carrying it around in my back pocket anymore either. I don’t want a certain weight to reach, or a jeans size, or measurement. I just want to love my body, get my sweat on a few days a week just because it feels good, and eat really good food. I know this blog has been inspiring for many of my friends so I don’t plan on quitting this either. I am so insanely grateful for the feedback from you, because it’s really kept me going. I am actually the smallest I’ve ever been as  an adult, and it’s because you inspired me to keep going!

I hope that if you’ve been reading that you stick around. I’m not sure what this blog will become, but I know I need to write and I need to hear from you to keep working toward a balanced healthy everyday life.  How do you maintain balance in your life? What patterns or habits are you trying to break?

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